During the summer afternoons, I like to catch up on my reading. Sometimes, I find myself reading silly, yet addictive books from the Twilight series to Archie comics. Sometimes, I curl up with non-fiction, usually involving modern history. I'm also quite the news addict, grazing on pieces from Canadian and international media sources. However, just when I think I've seen it all (and believe me, as a teacher, I often see and hear plenty of very strange things), along comes something incredibly shocking.

I was left speechless.

Now, I understand very busy people make up the modern world. Some of us have families. Others, don't. We all have to juggle our obligations and struggle to find a work-life balance. Often times, life leaves us scrambling to put together our meals. We find ourselves purchasing ready-made meals to go. We heat up frozen dinners or open canned soups. We visit drive-through windows at fast food restaurants, ordering take-out. We have food delivered. I have no problem admitting Don and I have done all of the above. Though, some more seldom than others. But, what is the pursuit of convenience driving us to?

Presenting the latest innovation in food

Candwich - Sandwiches in cans!

According to NBC's TODAY show, Candwiches are all the rage. In fact, they have even been featured on a recent "The Colbert Report" episode.

Mark Kirkland (hopefully no relation to the CostCo brand) is the inventor. He has dedicated more than a decade of his life to perfecting this concept: a sandwich in a can.

Personally, I've never eaten a sandwich that came from a can. Would I ever eat one? I'm not sure, maybe if Don dared me too, but then he would have to eat one too and we are talking catastrophic disaster situations here...

Still, one has to wonder about the canned peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Is it really worth the time savings to open a can than make your own?

According to Chowhound.com, "Utane" bread is available at Asian chain supermarket T&T in carrot and multi-grain flavours.

Guess which one had us speechless?

Utane Carrot Bread from T&T

The Bread Itself

Sometime early November, Cassandra Evanas of DivineCaroline published a blog, listing "Seven Terrible Ideas for Breakfast." Among them were Jimmy Dean Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick (the blueberry pancakes looking oddly diseased), Vanilla Milkshake Pop Tarts, Kraft Apple Cinnamon and Cream Cheese Bagel-fuls , and Liquid Cereal. Liquid Cereal happens to be packaged in a pop can and reminded me of two equally questionable foods I came across this summer.

The first, I tweeted about a week ago as something I would "not be trying again", a hash-tagged list of foods one regrets trying that was initiated by the pioneering food blogger Pim Techamuanvivit of Chez Pim:

#nottryingthatagain "barely embryo" milk black tea from the "Go For Tea" bubble tea house in Markham, ON: http://flic.kr/p/7eK49c

Please don't get me wrong, the "Go for Tea" bubble tea house in Markham, Ontario (Unit 2-230 Commerce Valley Dr E) is a fine establishment.

Go for Tea Logo on Menu

Super Cool Wireless Device to Call Waitress
My judgment just happened to slip, when I let someone order me a "new experience" in bubble tea.

Barley Embryo Milk Black Tea $3.99

Barley Embryo Milk Black Tea with Tapioca Pearls Served

Unfortunately, the "Barley Embryo" milk black tea with pearls was not a new flavour experience.

Cereal-tasting Bits
Instead, it was a combination of old experiences that proved disconcerting. It was a mixture of weak tea, enriched with what tasted like whole milk, and cereal-tasting bits. Its texture reminded me of soggy cereal. Add to this softened tapioca pearls and you have something that I'd rather not try again.

The second, is bottled coffee, which I have read is popular in Japan. Loblaws and Loblaws Superstore even included a brand of canned coffee in its "Chinese New Year" sales last year. Having no experience with the specific brand, I opted against trying it. When I was in a Toronto T&T this summer, I changed my mind.

Nescafe Canned Coffee
After all, Nescafe is a trusted brand of instant coffee in North America. What came out of the can was precisely what I expected, cold instant coffee, with milk added. It was rather bitter and had me wondering why such products even have a market. There are times when convenience should not supersede quality. I only wonder when Starbucks will start marketing canned "VIA."

Lessons learned:

• Neither cereal nor coffee should come out of a can.
• Bubble tea should not taste of or like cereal.

Particulars:
Go for Tea
230 Commerce Valley Drive East, Thornhill
(905)886-0221

While it may not seem surprising, certain North American processed food concepts translate well in other countries. Today, the processed food in question is individually wrapped processed cake. You know the ones. They have been tempting children in grocery stores and aggravating parents for years.

Though, I would argue that the grocery store is not its natural habitat. Grocery stores just allow manufacturers to sell processed cakes en mass. Instead, the processed cake's habitat is the freestanding wire display shelve next to the cash and till of many convenience stores. The most familiar has to be the reputed expiry date defying Hostess Twinkie.

The Twinkie as a confection is actually decades old, hailing from the 1930s. It was once banana cream-filled and carries an actual best-before date.

Clockwise from top: A box of twinkies from a grocery store, an indiivdual plastic-wrapped twinkie, a twinkie showing the holes in which its faux pastry cream is injected, and cake remnants in a twinkie's former plastic wrapper

Twinkie cross-section
Twinkies consists of a grainy sponge cake that disintegrates quickly when moistened and a vanilla cream that is non-dairy. The cream is made from high fructose corn syrup.

At the convenience store, the packaging is emblazoned with colour and wording much like the following specimen, a Vachon's Half Moon.

A plastic-wrapped Half Moon

An unwrapped Half Moon
Vachon's half moon is essentially a misshapen Twinkie, consisting of the same cake and faux pastry cream. Though, in Canada, half moons are often seen as "vanilla" versions of the chocolate Joe Louis, which substitutes an almost crimson chocolate processed sponge. It is also covered in a very light layer of chocolate. In the US, the Joe Louis is similar to Wagon Wheels, Wagon Wheels having a marshmallow filling.

Last year, a fried of ours named Lulu furnished us with the following Asian analogues. Marketed as custard "pies", they have no pastry, but closely resemble twinkies.

Egg Custard Pie

Egg Custard Pie Cross Section
The egg custard pie is surrounded by cake that is slightly more dense but equally as artificial-tasting as the twinkie sponge. Its filling is thick and eggy.


Lemon Custard

Lemon Custard Cross Section
The lemon custard pie has the same denser twinkie sponge outside. Inside, contrary to the packaging, there are no translucent lemon segments, only a thick and citrusy filling.

Given that the packaging is stamped with both a "manufacture on" and "best before date", it seems that the custard "pies" have a shelf life of 6 months.

Different shape, slightly different artificial cake, and equally as artificial filling, the custard "pies" are twinkies to me!

A little over a year ago the Ottawa Sun, our local edition of the Sun Media newspaper, published a piece entitled "Bug cuisine", eschewing the benefits of entomophagy, the practice of eating insects.

Culturally, eating insects is only taboo in western cultures. In South America, Mexico, and Asia, eating insects is widely accepted. My being born in a western culture, however has me wondering about the flavour and texture that prepared insects could take. Their nutritive value has already been argued at length.

Bug Cuisine

When I discuss "bug cuisine" with other foodies, I find I have to remind them that lobster isn't very far removed from crickets. The way I see it, if British restaurants can serve grey squirrel in higher end restaurants, as the foreign and invasive species is quite the prolific vermin across the pond, we can be open minded about entomophagy.

Alas, the only place I could find insects prepared for eating is at Sugar Mountain, a chain of dedicated candy stores that stock insect treats as gag gifts. In fact, when I selected my box of salt and vinegar crickets from the display that included scorpion lollies and chocolate covered ants, I found the cashier eying me suspiciously.

Crickets

Nutrition

Ingredients

American manufacturer
When I went to purchase it, she asked me if they were for me or a practical joke for somebody else. I told her that if one of the lovely tweeps I follow can overcome her preconceptions about pork and eat the dishes she prepared in culinary school, I can dare to expand my diet as well. She wished me well. My better half shook her head.

Inside the box came whole crickets, probably roasted and then tossed in copious amounts of flavouring.

Seasoned Roasted Crickets

Unbagged
I found the artificial flavouring so intense I could not taste any of the nuttiness that is characteristic of roasted or fried crickets.

The texture however was a cross between potato chips and carbon paper.

On the whole, the experience was not at all unpleasant, but if we are what we eat, I guess I'm adventurous. Though, for a week after, I found I could discern cricket song in the evenings more clearly. It was probably a co-incidence.